Enrile Checks Into Addiction Rehabilitation Center

enrile bejeweled

Reports have been coming in this morning that Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile has voluntarily checked himself into a computer game addiction rehab center in Taguig City.

The exact location however, is not immediately known.

Enrile is widely known to have been addicted to the popular computer game, Bejeweled, but this development still comes as a shock to many of his constituents and peers, since no one realized that his addiction was so severe, prompting the senator to voluntarily check himself in for rehabilitation.

“I pray for Sen. Enrile’s quick recovery,” said Sen. Mirriam Defensor-Santiago.  “I will miss him sorely on the senate floor, how he courteously manages to divide his attention between his Bejeweled game and me, whenever I am at the podium delivering my speech,” Santiago reminisces.

In a phone interview with Eritas Times, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada was equally surprised with the news.  “I am shocked,” said Sen. Estrada.  “We were just planning our PDAF alibi and flight strategy at his house two days ago, with Sen. Revilla, and everything seemed fine [with Enrile] at the time.  There was no indication that he has gone overboard.  Well, basically just the usual inattention to details and absent mindedness, you know, things associated with old farts like him, but everything seemed fine,” Estrada recounts.

Eritas Times learned that treatment for such an addiction involves daily electric shock therapy of no less than 480 volts/20 amps, and sleep deprivation, while the patient is tied naked to a cold stainless steel gurney for 90 days.

However, it was not immediately known how long the 90 year old senator is staying at the facility.

A few citizens have begun to show concern, as the Senator is a well respected public figure, especially to those who have witnessed his service to the country as a Minister of Defense, basically the right-hand man for former dictator Ferdinand Marcos.

“I hope to see him well very soon,” said a bystander at the rehab center.  “My father and brother were kidnapped my Marcos’ people in the 70’s and I have yet to find them. I think he may be able to help me with some clues, ” he added.

Sen. Enrile’s collection of Apple iPads will be donated to the player with the highest Bejeweled score on September 21.